It's An Adventure

by
Michelle

11 Spike Loses Angel's Lower Limb. Or, Bet I can win it back

"So. We're here. At a known demon and vampire haunt. At least it's daylight, right? That's good, isn't it? Still, we're at a place Angel wouldn't even let us walk close by, let alone enter. He made us sit in the car and wait. Why was that again, Wes? Oh! I know! Because he thought we'd be killed dead if we went in!" She turned her dark acusing eyes towards Xander. "How are we going to do this again? And why are we doing this, again?" Cordelia asked nervously, as she stood in the doorway of the vampire club, clad in one of Angel's leather coats, the sleeves rolled up over her hands. An over-sized coat that held several wooden stakes, a loaded crossbow, a handgun, and a water gun that held plenty of holy water. None of which made her feel safe. She shivered, looking at Xander. She rubbed the sleeve of the leather coat. It did feel nice and it calmed her a bit.

Xander sighed. He was up to this. He, too, was wearing one of Angel's long leather coats.

They all were. And they were loaded for bear.

Or vampire.

Or demon.

They were not short on weapons, he was sure. He looked at Wesley and Cordelia. Not short on courage, either. Short on faith maybe, but courage they had. Even Cordy, shaking in her boots, was ready and willing to step into the demon bar. Wesley looked ready to battle the fires of hell, all decked out in his own leather, along with one of Angel's coats, a scowl marring his attractive face.

"Wesley comes with me, positions himself at the back of the room, wall to his back. I go to the bartender. You, Cordy, stay by the door." He looked at both of them. "Draw your weapons only if I give you the signal, and not when I draw mine, got it?"

They both nodded. "Remember, I'm gonna *show*, that's pretty much a given. Don't panic. We're gonna be cool and business like. Only draw when I give the signal. Got it?"

Again they nodded. Xander gulped. "What's the signal?" He asked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Splayed hand held in the air. Yeah, yeah. Let's do this."

She so better get a bonus.

Spike woke when he felt a cold, wet sucker upon his cheek. He opened his eyes, but didn't pull away. Maybe if it pulled away first it wouldn't sting him. He had enough Bleathvore venom in him to kill a horse or five, he was sure. He smiled charmingly and said "Hello" to the Bleathvores gathered around the cage. The tentacle was withdrawn and he wasn't stung. Spike grinned and pushed his Sire from him. He watched Angel roll to his side, still asleep. He felt a sting of pride to know that he had fucked his Sire so well that the pouf didn't wake; didn't even blink an eye. Damn, but he was good.

Bleathvore 3: "What did it say?"

Bleathvore 5: "Goodbye? That is what it sounded like. Do you think it speaks our tongue?" He looked at the others. "Where does it think it's going, anyway?"

Bleathvore 2: "Maybe it can speak our tongue. If so, we really could sell it!"

Bleathvore 3: "Sell it to who? A Keskicainiovre could utter my tongue, but still, I would not wish to own one. Same with this vampire. Let us await our brother. If they can be sold or traded he will let us know."

Bleathvore 5: Contemptuous snort. "He will find neither buyer nor trader for these things."

Bleathvore 2: "It did not bite you again."

Bleathvore 5: "Obviously it is tired. You have seen what it has just done. Would you not be tired after such exertion?

Bleathovre 2: "Perhaps it not biting you is learned behavior." He looked at 5. "I am sure you do not taste good."

Bleathvore 5: "I am certainly most pleasing to any taste buds! Even vampire ones! A tasty treat to be sure!"

All other Bleathvores: "Snicker."

Spike moved closer to the cage, pulling up his pants and fastening them on his way. "Shall we play, mates?" He made shuffling and dealing motions with his hands, as if he held a deck of cards and continued in what he hoped was their language. "Cards? Play? Wager?"

All Bleathvores: "Did he say challenge?"

"So? Are we ready to do this?" Xander asked again, stalling.

"Yes! Let's go already, before I change my mind!"

Xander gave the door a hard push and walked in, Wes and Cordy close behind him. He moved to the bar quickly, Wes went to the end of it, his back against the wall; Cordy stood close by the door, the wall at her back, just as Xander had told her to.

The bartender gave the three humans a disinterested glance and continued his task of drying shot glasses. "We're closed."

The bar was, thankfully, almost empty. The vampires and demons that did inhabit it looked pretty much wasted. "That's okay. Good even. All I want is some information." Xander told the bartender.

The vampire sat the shot glass he was holding down on the bar and smiled at Xander. Smirked, really. It pissed Xander off. "Do you now? Are you willing to die for your information, boy?"

"No, Sir." Xander pulled a handgun from his back and pointed it at the bartender's head. "But I'm willing to kill for it." He smiled.

The bartender picked up another shot glass and chuckled, unconcerned. He began to dry the glass. "I think maybe you'll die before I do."

"You think?" Xander pulled a crossbow out and aimed it at the bartender's chest, heart level. Xander kept the gun pointed at the vampire's head and smiled. "All I want is a little bit of information. I seem to have lost a friend of mine."

The bartender kept his hands on the bar and his eyes on Xander's crossbow. "Have you? Boys?"

The patrons of the bar began to stir, waking and murmuring. Xander held up his hand, fingers stretched wide. Cordy pulled a SuperSoaker water pistol from beneath Angel's coat, pointing it at the row of booths along the wall, Wesley pulled out the same with one hand and a ten-loaded crossbow with the other, knees locked and looking deadly, ready to unload both weapons.

"All I want is some information." Xander repeated, not looking away from the bartender. "I seem to have misplaced my vampire. He's about so high." Xander didn't move his weapons from the bartender. "Bleached blonde. Snippy. Bad attitude. You'd know if you'd met up with him."

Cordy shot out a stream of holy water, catching one vampire across his ear. She grinned. She'd been aiming at the back of his head. "My vampire is bigger. Dark and broody. He'd be quiet and reasonable, all nice like. And I want him back!"

The vampires gathered in the bar, exchanged looks.

First one snickered; then one more, did. And then another let loose a chuckle.

Then the group could no longer contain themselves and laughter rang through out the dark, dingy club.

"I'm not finding the funny." Xander told the vampire-bartender.

The bartender continued to laugh, really trying to hold in his chuckles as the guns were aimed at him. Xander sighed. "I'm thinking, maybe, you know where I can find my vampire. Share the joke."

The bartender just laughed harder.

Xander moved the pistol and shot the bartender's ear off. He was quite pleased that neither Wesley nor Cordelia flinched and inadvertanly shot someone. Or something. "Tell me."

"Shit! Stop! Don't shoot!" The vampire grabbed his ear, giving Xander a dirty look. "Shit! Bleathvores have them! One was in here not too long ago trying to sell them, or trade them for a case of tequila!" He snorted, "Like I'd trade good drink for a couple of vampires!" He stopped talking at Xander's narrow eyed gaze. "Um, he just left, though. I sent him to Kelly's, just down the road!"

Xander smiled. "Call Kelly's and get him back here. Tell him you have a buyer."

Angel woke to Spike's and the Bleathvore's chatter. He was without his coat and his pants were up. He couldn't believe he had slept. He turned to look at Spike.

He couldn't believe what we was seeing! Spike had a pile of junk behind him, his coat at the bottom of it, and cards in his hands as he sat close to the bars, and all but one of the Bleathvores sat just outside of the cage, cards in their hands. His brows rose when Spike spit out a stream of incomprehensible gibberish. He raised his arm to check his watch. It was gone.

Bleathvore 2: "Yes! I do say your mother sucks the slime from a Vencore." He looked to the others and grinned. "While she mates with your favorite four to six legged type of home dwelling pet."

Spike snickered and slammed down a card.

All Bleathvores: Moan!

Several more pieces of junk were pushed carefully through the bars of the cage. The Je'dellian bowl among them.

"Spike?"

Spike whipped his head around to look at Angel. "Peaches!." He patted Angel's stomach. "Shh. Yer knocked up, pet. Don't upset our little one." Spike translated as best he could.

All Bleathvores plus Spike: Laughter.

"What are you doing? And where is my watch?"

"Just having a bit o' fun, Sire, waiting to see if we've been sold or traded. And sorry, but I seem to have lost yer watch." He tilted his head towards Bleathvore 5. Angel noted that the Bleathvore was wearing his watch on one of its lower tentacles. He scowled.

"I've just won the slayer-saving-thing-bowl, though and that's the good news. Bad news is I think I've lost our baby. I'm not too sure. Hey! These blokes speak a bit of Spanish! Imagine that. And they don't suck blood! Blood just wells up from the poison they inject. Neat, huh?"

Angel picked the Je'dellian bowl up and wrapped it carefully in his coat. "Sold? Or traded?"

Spike dealt cards. "Yeah. Profit-minded, these blokes are. Seems one of them went off to get a price or trade for us. Shit!" Spike reached behind him, grabbing a piece of hose and tossing it to the pile.

Bleathvore 5: "More! Not an equal bet."

Spike showed his fangs.

Bleathvore 5 raised two tentacles towards him.

"Fine! Fine!" Spike added an old red wig to the pile, causing Bleathvore 5 to grin.

Cards were looked at, studied; all but Bleathvore 5 and Spike folded.

Bleathvore 5: "I wish to have the dark ones lower limb."

"Sure. Oh, wait. I can't. It's attached to the rest of him."

Bleathvore 2: "The covering. You want only what encases the end of its lower limb."

Bleathvore 5. "Yes. What he said."

Spike nodded. "Give me yer shoe, Peaches."

"What?"

"Give me yer bleedin' shoe! I've got a bloody fabulous hand, here! Give me the shoe!"

Angel did. He was sure he'd never wear the slime-encrusted thing again, but he was hoping he wouldn't have to walk out of this place in his stocking feet. Or stocking foot.

Bleathvore 5: "Ha!"

Spike: "Well, hell." He turned to look at Angel, shrugging his shoulders. "Sorry. Lost the shoe. Give me the other. Bet I can win it back."

12 Bargining for Vampires. or What Are Your Toes Worth?

Kelly burst into the dingy bar, all smiles. He was followed by a cloak covered Bleathvore.

"Brad, my vampire friend! I am so glad you called me! I would have hated to let my Bleathvore demon buddies down! I always try and come up with a buyer for these dudes! They have the best stuff sometimes! Lots of junk, sure, but man sometimes you can get a diamond the size of a starlet's tit from these guys for a bottle of booze!" Kelly laughed, continuing towards the bar. "I heard a tale that you're looking for a pair of vampires. My man here just happens to have a line on a pair: one dark, one light. Expensive though. Caged vampires aren't easy to find, as you know, my friend. Your kind are caught more dead than alive!" The red headed little human laughed, once he reached the bar. Xander grabbed him, pulling him close to the bar and placing the gun at his temple. "Tell your friend that I want my vampire."

Kelly did.

Bleathvore 1 flapped several tentacles. "Payment is needed. I risk my mate and my most attractive daughter. I am not caring if your human brains are spilled across this business table."

"What the hell did he say?" Xander demanded of Kelly.

"He said let me go, or your vampires are dust."

Xander sent a bullet into the chamber, grabbed Kelly by the neck and pushed him face down on the bar. He shoved the gun into Kelly's ear.

"My Bleathvore is, by no means fluent, mind you, but I am positive that is not what he said." Wesley spoke.

"Is that true, Kelly? Did you just lie to me?" Xander asked, menace in his tone.

"No! No! If you don't let me go the vampires are dead! These Bleathvores are crazy, dude! Killers! Who the fuck are you, anyway?"

"Um, no, not really. They're mostly peaceable. They wouldn't kill if they could get a good price or trade." Wesley spoke again.

"Hey! I know Bleathvores and these-"

Xander pulled the gun away from Kelly's head and shot some of his toes off.

"Ow! Ow! Fuck! You shot me! You shot me, you crazy, fucking, bastard!"

"For hellsake! Stop shooting! You're gonna bring the cops here!" The bartender yelled, still holding his ear.

Xander ignored the bartender. "Well, Kelly, you've lost a few toes. Wanna loose something else?" Xander sent another bullet into the chamber of his gun.

"Hey!"

Xander's head moved to the back of the bar. "What?" He aimed the gun at Kelly's other foot, his hand still holding Kelly's head to the bar.

A female vampire from one of the back booths stepped out. She stretched her tall frame and picked up a pack of cigarettes, shucking one out and lightening it with a zippo retrieved from her generous bosom. "I speak Bleathvore." She winked at Wesley and replaced her lighter. "Fluently."

"But are you willing to translate?" Xander asked. "'Cause if you're just teasing me, honey, I have to tell you: I'm pissed enough to shoot you, too."

She laughed, white teeth flashing against the bright red of her painted lips, as she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder. She sauntered to the bar, tall and lithe, encased in black leather pants, red silk camisole, black leather vest and red leather boots that went to her thighs. The heels were at least five inches.

Cordelia thought she looked like a Hollywood version of a Hollywood hooker. She aimed her supersoaker at her as she walked towards the bar.

"Don't shoot, Killer." She held her hands up for Xander and blew him a kiss. "Buy me a drink and I'll translate."

"You heard the lady. Pour." Xander told the still bleeding Brad.

Bleathvore 1: "What is this? Buy vampire or not?"

"Gimmie a scotch, Brad. Give me the bottle."

Wesley aimed his crossbow at the bartender. "From the back wall, Brad. Keep your hands where I can see them."

The bartender shot dirty looks at Wesley and the female vampire as he reached behind him and snagged a bottle of scotch. He slammed it down in front of the grinning she-vamp.

"Here ya go, Danielle. Enjoy your last drink here."

Danielle gave a fake pout and laughed. "Ah, Brad. Don't be such a hard ass. Can't you see, they just want their vampires? I think it's sweet." She took a long pull from the bottle. "Who'd come looking for you?"

Bleathvore 1: Agitated sounds. "Buy the vampires or not?" It stamped several legs, sending slime flying. "I must make a deal soon! I will not be beaten!"

Danielle turned to look at Xander. "He wants to sell the vampires. Now."

"Hello? I'm bleeding to death here!" Kelly whined.

Xander stomped his foot over Kelly's mangled one and left it there.

"Arhg!"

"Direct pressure. Shut up." He looked at Danielle. "Tell him we want to see the vampires first. Make sure they're okay."

"They are willing to buy your vampires, but they want to see them first. Examine the wares." Danielle told the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 1: "This is acceptable to me. Tell the weapon wielding males not to send any projectile pieces of metal or wood into me and we can discuss a deal."

"Don't shoot him. How much are you willing to pay for them?"

"What does he want for them?"

Danielle asked the Bleathvore his price.

Bleathvore 1: Looking at Cordelia. "The weapon wielding female. She would be good."

Danielle cocked her head towards Cordelia. "You willing to part with her?"

"No." Xander and Wesley told her.

"Hey! No way! Are those pants squeezing your *brains*, too?" Was Cordeila's reply. She pumped the supersoaker.

Danielle grinned and took another swig. "No. The female is not up for trade."

Slime went flying as Bleathvore 1 rippled his disappointment. "The arrow shooting weapon would be good. And their skins. Very nice skins they are. I would trade the shinny headed vampire for all the skins."

"He'll give you the, ah, 'shinny-headed' one for a crossbow and your coats."

"Both vampires for the coats. No crossbow." Wesley told her.

"Wes-"

"We have to bargain Xander. Otherwise he won't deal."

"You know what you're about, don't you, sweety?" Danielle smiled at Wesley. He preened.

"The skins for all vampires. No arrow weapons."

Bleathvore 1: Thinking, several tentacles rub at its head, several more tap at the floor. "No."

Danielle took a swig. "Nope."

Xander, finger tightening on the trigger of his gun. He wanted to shoot something or someone. "I figured that's what he said. Tell him to give-"

"Tell him the coats and a case of liquor. His choice of liquor." Wesley cut in. He smiled at the bartender.

Danielle made the offer.

"A case of booze that you guys are going to pay for, right?" Brad spoke up.

Wesley pushed his glasses up with the end of the crossbow and then quickly aimed it at Brad again. "Oh! Why, ah, no."

Bleathvore 1: Grinning, all rows of teeth shinning with happiness. "This is a good and acceptable offer. I will have the liquor now and the skins once we trade. You will come with us to make the deal. You speak well and you speak the tongue of the vampire as well as that of the human. I like you. Do you have an owner?" Teeth flashing, tentacles oozing and rippling.

Danielle laughed. "I own myself. I will not be part of the deal." She flashed her demon face at the Bleathvore.

His tentacles fell, all of them. "Vampire. Fine. You will explode in the sun, yes?"

"Yes. I like the night."

Bleathvore 1: "Then we will wait. Tell them I want tequila."

"I like your taste, Bleathvore." She took a swig from her bottle. "He wants a case of Jose Cuervo and the coats. And he wants me to go with you." She told the others.

"We are not waiting here until sundown!" Cordelia snorted. "Oh, right! I'm gonna wait around for a bunch of vampires to come and get their drink on! I don't think so!"

Bleathvore 1: "You have not tasted me, vampire. How is it you find me pleasing?"

"Cordelia is right, Xander. We can't stay here waiting for a bar full of vampires."

"Tell him we need to go now."

Danielle did.

Bleathvore 1: "The bleeding human knows of our tunnels. We need not see the sun."

"He says Kelly knows the tunnels." Danielle stubbed out her cigarette and lit another.

"That true, Kelly? Can you take us to the tunnels." Xander ground his foot against Kelly's toeless, bleeding one.

"Yeah. Sure. If I could walk I could."

"Still looking to loose the other toes, Kelly?"

"Brad has an entrance to the tunnels in the back! He does!"

"Fuck you, Kelly!"

All weapons were trained on Brad once again. Danielle giggled and took another swig of scotch. "Come on, Brad. Play nice. Let's save some vampires. Tell you what: You come up missing? I'll look for you."

"You'd look for me in the bottom of a bottle, bitch."

Danielle smiled. "And maybe you'd be there." She took another drink. "Maybe not." She walked-well sauntered-to Wesley and stood next to him. "Shoot him again, Killer." She told Xander.

Xander raised his gun from Kelly's ear and aimed it at Brad's shoulder.

"No! Wait! The tunn-"

Too late. Xander shot him.

"Fuck! You sick little fuck! Stop shooting already!" Brad's hand left his still oozing ear and went to the new hole in his shoulder.

"So. You're going to take us to your tunnels now, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes! Don't shoot! Follow me!"

And they did. Cordelia and Wesley keeping a look out, walking carefully backwards into the back room and to the sewer entrance of Brad's bar. Danielle, still sipping from her bottle, and the Bleathvore, still oozing, followed.

"Let's not forget the Bleathvore's case of booze!" Danielle chimed in.

"Bitch." Brad muttered, going to and pulling out a case of good tequila.

Xander knew that he was having way too much fun blasting holes in vampires and murdering toes. Living on the Hellmouth was bound to make a guy just a little blood thirsty, wasn't it? And maybe Spike was rubbing off on him? Or maybe it was too much violence on TV? God, but he wanted to be vegging out in front of a TV right about now!

"Xander?" Cordelia whispered once they had reached the tunnel.

"Yeah?" He asked, heading down.

"You're scary."

Xander paused, cocked his head and thought about that. He continued down the stairs. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Damn it, Spike! Bet your own shoes!"

"They don't want my boots, Peaches. They've taken quite a fancy to yer shoes, though. I keep winning 'em back don't I? And didn't I get you that bottle of hair gel?"

"Humph. Suave hair gel." Angel ran his hand over his newly stiffened, but still disgustingly dirty hair.

"I bet a perfectly good pair of old sneakers for that! What if I had lost them?"

"Spike?"

Spike grunted, studying his cards.

"It is garbage you're playing with, boy. You do know that, don't you?" Angel asked, a bit concerned. Maybe too much Bleathvore venom drove vampires insane.

Spike dealt more cards through the bars of the cage as he puffed at a cigar he had won from a previous match. It was a little old, sure, but still chock full of Cuban-tobacco goodness. "Garbage? I've won the slayer-saving-bowl-thing, and I've won back our baby! Garbage, you say? Beast! No wonder I haven't had children with you before now!" He grinned at Angel, blowing cigar smoke in his face. "Hand over the belt, Peaches. I can get a tire for it." This was so much better than pacing.

Bleathvore 3: "Your mate is causing you discomfort?"

"Oh, yeah. A real pain, he is."

Bleathvore 2: "It is unacceptable to us that he bother you so. You are most good and entertaining. We will happily cut off his head if you wish. You can find another mate, I am certain. You should not be bothered."

Bleathvore 5: "What of the child it carries?"

Bleathvore 3: "What of it? We have lost it and the shinny headed, good one refuses to wager it again and it is only him that we like."

Bleathvore 5: "This is true. What say you vampire? Shall we cut off its head?"

Spike took a deep drag from his cigar, rolling the rich smoke in his mouth. "I like you boys! Let's just wait and see what happens. No hurry." He smiled and patted Angel on the head. "I might want to keep him." Spike blew smoke rings towards a scowling Angel.

13 I Don't Hear What I Know. Or Angel Gets Frisky

"Oh, well, yuck! Yuck! What did I just land on? No! Don't tell me! I'm sure I don't want to know." Cordelia said as she placed her foot from the last ladder rung and to the floor. The floor that just went squish beneath her foot.

"You've offed a rat, is all, Cordy." Xander told her, his hands at her waist, as he helped her from the ladder.

"I said don't tell me!" She yelped, wiping her foot against the ladder rung and batting his hands away. "We so better find Angel!" She mumbled. She looked around. "Oh, my god! This is just beyond yuck!" She shuddered once she took a good look around.

The walls were slimy and wet and dripping with. . .something; she had no idea what. The smell was indescribable. And the very air was heavy with the stench and feel of the place. Cordelia began to gag.

Danielle crossed to her and placed an arm across her shoulders. Cordelia stiffened. Danielle smiled at her. "These sewer's aren't so bad, really, girl. I've been in worse. I'll help keep you safe."

"To have as dinner later on, I'm sure." Cordelia mumbled beneath her breath, pulling away.

Danielle grinned at her. "Nope." She laughed. "I grew up on a farm when I was human. My dad was forever serving my animal friends up for dinner, so now, once I talk to someone or something, I just can't eat it." She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "So, while I hold no particular fondness for humans, I just can't eat anyone I've, well, gotten to know."

Cordelia turned to the vampire and thrust her hand out, flashing a big smile at her. "Hi! I'm Cordelia! Pleased to meet you! Have you been a vampire for long?"

Danielle laughed and took her hand, shaking it. "I've already taken you guys off my dinner list. I'm just here for the fun, really. Killer and the cute one caught my eye." She told her, nodding her head towards Xander and Wesley. She winked at Cordelia. "And it's always good to know Bleathvores. They really do have the best stuff, sometimes."

Cordelia looked at the cloak-covered creature. "Really?" She asked doubtfully.

"Yes. I got a full length Armani leather coat for a bottle of scotch just last week."

Cordelia's eyes bugged a bit. "Yep. And an Anne Klien suit for a gun."

"Really? So what? They're like crack-heads?"

"Yep. Only you don't have to worry about them coming back to rob you."

"Cool."

"Come. We must walk, now." Bleathvore 1 told the group. He flashed his teeth. "I am soon to win the challenge. This is a good time. Let us all be pleased for my good fortune."

Xander looked at Danielle. "He said let's get moving and be happy. He's going to win something."

Xander nodded. "Fine. Whatever." He motioned for the Bleathvore to lead the way. Xander pulled the Glock out and held it. He really liked the little automatic weapon.

1 looked to Danielle. "Tell him not to send any projectiles my way. It would upset me greatly."

"Shoot him and he's gonna get pissed. Don't shoot."

"Yeah, yeah. Tell him I won't shoot."

Danielle did and the Bleathvore moved ahead of the group, leading the way. "Anyway, Killer, if you shoot them, they just spray out acid like slime. I don't know how you kill a Bleathvore, but shooting it won't work."

"What did you tell the human, vampire?"

"I told that you can not be killed by their weapons. How can you be killed?"

Bleathvore 1 laughed. "We are not killed. We die. When it is time."

Danielle didn't know how to respond. Her dealings with Bleathvores revolved around buying and selling and trading. She'd never gotten personal with any before now. "That is a good thing." She offered. It was the best she could do.

"Yes. It is very nice. We like it. Know many of us, do you?"

"I have had many dealings with the Ta'karta clan."

Bleathvore 1 threw up several tentacles, flinging slime. "Liars and cheats! You have been foolish in your dealings. But you are a vampire and not expected to know any better. I am of the Le'tish clan. We are good, honest, and most entertaining. The Ta'karta clan are bores, cheats and liars."

"They say the same of your clan."

Bleathvore 1 laughed. "See? They lie."

"What are you two saying?" Xander asked.

"Nothing. Just a bit of clan hate going on."

"Ask him how much further." Xander told her.

"Do we have much longer to walk?"

"Why is this of concern? Will they not journey to the end?" Bleathvore 1 stopped. He would not continue if the humans were going to stop.

"Why'd he stop?" Xander's finger tightened on the trigger of his gun. He was really starting to love the Glock. He'd already decided to keep it. The weight of it in his hand felt good, and he loved the way the trigger felt all cool and smooth against his finger. He ran his finger along the curve of the trigger. Damn, but he wanted to shoot something.

"No, no. The question confused him. He won't keep going if you're thinking about quitting. But you're not, right? I mean, if you have to walk a mile or more you'll keep walking, right?"

"Yes." Cordelia, Wesley and Xander all answered without hesitation.

"They will go to the end. Time was the question. How much time will pass before they reach the wares. They worry about the safety of their vampires is all." Danielle told Bleathvore 1.

Satisfied, 1 began to walk again. "As they should be. The shinny-headed one bit one of us. If they continue to be nasty they will have their heads cut off. It is our way. But it is of no matter. I have produced buyers. I will win, be the vampires headless or not."

"It's all good." Danielle told the others.

Cordelia rubbed her hand over her leather-clad arm. "You know, I'm really starting to love this coat. How much do you suppose it'd cost to get it altered to fit me?"

"We're trading the coats for Angel and Spike, Cordielia." Wesley reminded her.

"Oh, right." She frowned, walking in silence. Her face brightened. "But Angel has lots more coats, huh?"

". . . not only do I know of it, I composed it!" Spike finished the joke.

All Bleathvores: Laughter.

Bleathvore 3: "Truly amusing. I will keep you, vampire, should my brother fail to find a buyer or trade for you. Your mate, however, is boring. Him I will have to kill."

Spike puffed at his cigar and looked at his cards. "Yes. I am displeased to agree, but kill him if you must."

"Spike?" Angel asked. He was leaning against the make-shift back rest, eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest. And the boredom was getting to him. Killing him. Him. Angel had always prided himself on his ability to be calm. Just be. But with Spike and the Bleathvores having so much fucking fun while he dozed and lay about on the stinking rot of the floor, the boredom was eating away at him. No wonder Spike wanted to always be killing and moving. This sucked.

"What?"

"What are you saying to them?"

"Just agreeing with them, mate. Keeping them happy. Oh, and, if they don't find a buyer? I get saved. You? They don't like you, Sire. You're a gonner, Peaches. It'll be heads off for you, luv."

"What of my baby?" Angel rubbed his flat belly.

"Ha ha. Still sucking at the funny bone, eh? Nice try, mate. But they don't know what yer saying. You are gonna have to die." Spike snickered, not overly concerned with his Sire's potential headlessness. He lay down two cards, motioning for replacements. He has a possible flush.

Angel moved closer to Spike and licked his ear. Spike slapped at him, ducking his head. "Stop that! I'm busy."

Angel moves his mouth to Spike's neck, licking and sucking and biting.

"What is it with you? You've turned into a bloody rapist! You know what the problem is don't you?"

Angel moves his head into Spike's lap and reaches his hand up to begin undoing the buttons of Spike's shirt. "What's my problem, boy?" He smiles up at this childe, enjoying the annoyed look on his face.

"Celibacy! It's not right! Curse, yes, and all that! Problem is you can still fuck! You need to fuck the ex-watcher and the cheerleader! Bet those two could get you off!"

Bleathvore 5: "You and your mate are going to engage in sexual intercourse, now? Breeding? We do not mind. We will watch."

Spike slapped at Angel's hand. "No we are not. My mate is mentally unbalanced. Slow." Spike tells them. He pinches Angel's cheek. Hard. "Cut it out!"

Bleathvore 2: "This is terrible for you! He is not balanced and he causes you great discomfort. It is better that we cut off his head. We have a weapon that will take is head off with one blow. It is wonderful. Very good. You may use it."

Angel is nuzzling at Spike's groin now. And Spike is, of course, getting hard. And that pisses him off. "One blow you say?" Angel is pulling down his zipper with his teeth now. His fucking cock is hard as a rock and looking forward to whatever it is Angel has planned for it.

Spike smiles at the Bleathvores. "Why don't you bring it to me? The weapon."

Bleathvore 3: "We would like to see you mate once again. It was most entertaining. Scary and good. We like that. Mate once more before your mate is killed. For us?"

Angel has his cock out and is licking at it. Fine.

"Yes. One more mating and then we kill him."

Bleathvore 2: "This is good and acc-"

And then the Bleathvores are gone.

Vanished.

Spike can't see them anymore.

He pushes Angel's head away from his cock. "Where'd the fuck they go?" He sits up on his knees, zipping his pants up, looking around.

No Bleathvores.

"Guys?" His hand grabs a bar.

ZAP!

"Fuck! Shit! Come on guys. This shit isn't funny! Where'd ya run off too?"

Angel sits up and listens. "Shh. Listen."

"Like bloody fucking great big cockroaches running off when a light comes on.

"Yes. Don't you hear it? Something is coming."

"Yeah. I hear it. Something is coming and these blokes have left me here. And they didn't even cut off your head, first. Bastards."

"Spike?"

"What?"

"You were going to let them cut off my head?"

"Hell, yes, I was, Sire! I was bloody well looking forward to it! Punks! Poufs!"

14 Is That a Gun or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Bleathvore 1 twitters his tentacles; they fill, expand and ooze. "We are close to my brothers." His teeth flash, and he speeds up a bit.

"Almost there." Danielle tells the others.

Wesley has moved to walk beside Danielle. Xander is right behind the Bleathvore; finger tight on the trigger of his gun, while Cordelia has her hand tucked into the back of Wesley's tight leather pants. She's been staring at the back of his head and singing songs in her head. She doesn't want to look around or down. Ever again. The few times she's looked down, she's seen rats,-big-movie-type-rats-, running along and over her feet.

They turn a corner and there they are.

Spike and Angel.

Angel and Spike.

Caged yes, but whole and there and Xander is so pleased he moves forward and grabs at the bars of the cage.

Spike's "Don't touch the bars, pet." Is too late.

Xander grabs hold and is zapped across the tunnel, hands burnt and smoking.

"Luv?" Spike asks. "Okay? The bars are electrocuted, pet. Don't touch."

Xander picks himself up and laughs, looking at his burnt hands. "Yeah. Don't fucking touch the bars, cause, fucking 'ouch', that shit hurts." And Xander smiles despite the pain of burnt hands. Spike is here. And fine. And it's Spike. And isn't that all he wanted?

"Angel!" Cordy runs to the cage and stops short, having seen Xander's fate. "Are you okay? You look fine. You look good." She crosses her arms across her chest and steps back, regarding him. "You look just fine really." She tells him accusingly. "I stepped on a rat for you. And I went into a demon bar for you! And Xander shot vampires, and even a human for you, and you don't look hurt at all! Dirty and smelly, yes, but not hurt. You should at least be-well-bruised, dammit! Are you even a little bit hurt?"

Xander moved closer to the cage, reaching his hand between the bars to touch Spike's cheek.

He looks at Danielle. "Tell him I want Spike out of this cage."

"They were about to cut off my head." Angel tells Cordelia trying to placate her.

"Really? Then I, like, saved you, huh?"

"It would see-"

Bleathvore 1 raises all tentacles, except the ones he's standing on, over his head and calls out. "Come forth brothers. I have won the challenge. I have found buyers. And they are humans. And a vampire. A good vampire." He smiles at Danielle. Teeth oozing.

Danielle grins back.

And before Spike's eyes the Bleathvores return.

Out of nowhere.

Gone one minute and there the next. "God damn it. And fuck it all. All! You bloody shits! And just where the hell did you all go?" Spike demands of the now visible Bleathvores.

Bleathvore 5 smiles at Spike. "What are you speaking so loudly about?"

Oh. Right. He'd been yelling in English.

"You ran off and left. Why?" He asked, speaking their language. His anger mostly spent, his voice was quiet. He did manage to glare at Bleathvore 5.

Flashing several rows of teeth, Bleathvore 5 reaches a tentacle between the bars and pats Spike on the head, leaving a puddle of slime on his head. "Living is important to us, vampire." He flaps his tentacles. "We hide until we know what we face. Do you not hide?"

"Yeah. Sure. Let me out of this fucking cage! I've been bought!" Spike looks at Xander and smiles. "Is it true, pet? Did you shoot vampires and people?"

"Yeah. I shot stuff." Xander smiles a bit bashfully at Spike.

"Yum, pet. Xander, and I missed it? Still trying to keep me from having fun, damn you! That is just so-"

Bleathvore 3 pokes at Spike. "Get me out of this fucking cage!" Spike yells at the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 3 is unconcerned with Spike's display of rage. He is, after all is said and done, still caged.

Bleathvore 1 walks to 5 and twitters. "Ha! I have found buyers! You lose! I have obtained tasty and good mind altering beverages for us and we will receive the skins the new humans wear. I have made a good deal. Say it is so."

Bleathvore 5 smiles. "It is true that you have made a good deal for two vampires, but we have three vampires!"

Bleathvore 1 looks at the cage. And into it. Closely. He snorts. "You have been into the mind altering beverages we have stored, I think. Or you are as stupid as your mother-in-law has stated you are. There are two vampires." He points at Spike and then at Angel. "One vampire. Two vampire. No more vampire."

All bleathvores except 5: Laughter.

"Yes. You are amusing, just as your mother-in-law says you are not. The dark-haired one is with child. So we must declare the challenge null and void."

Bleathvore 1 wraps several tentacles around Bleathvore 5 and squeezes. "Vampires do not breed, fool. They do not. You have said so yourself!" Bleathvore 1 turns his head to look at Danielle. "You! Vampire! Do you breed?"

"Um, no?" She looks at Spike. "Um, we females don't, but the males? Oh, sure. They breed. Yeah. Like, uh, bunny rabbits. The males breed like crazy."

Bleathvore 1 lets his tentacles fall. "Well. Fine. We will consider our deal null and void. I do not gain what I would have wished from you, but I am still pleased. You will not lay tentacles upon my mate, nor my daughter. And still I have obtained a good deal. This is pleasing to me."

"What the fuck are they saying?" Xander demands.

"Um. Well. Everything seems to be fine. The deal, however is sorta off, seeing as how the 'dark-haired' one is, uh, pregnant and the deal was only for two vampires, and not, um, two plus one."

"Huh?" Xander, Wesley, and Cordelia all ask.

"Well, like I just told you-" Danielle begins.

Spike cuts her off. "Peaches is knocked up. The deal will stand between you and them but not them and them, so give 'em whatever it is you promised and get ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAGE!"

Danielle smiled. "Yeah. It's like what he said."

"Whatever." Xander takes off Angel's coat and hands it to Bleathvore 1. "Tell him to open the cage."

Danielle does.

Bleathvore 1 takes the coat and smiles at Xander. And then he smiles at Danielle. "No."

Danielle blinks. "What?"

Bleathvore 1: "No."

Pissed off, even though it's not really her battle, Danielle rages. "And just why is it no?" She lets loose a string of her, admittedly, limited amount of Bleathvore expletives. "We kept our part of the deal! What are you trying to do?"

Limited they may be, but the Bleathvores are impressed by her string of curses.

Spike, doubly so. "Where'd ya pick her up, pet?" Spike asks Xander.

"Bar." Xander tells him.

Spike nods. "Best place to get women, Xanpet. Good pick, luv."

Bleathvore 1: "Calm down and rest your vocal cords, vampire. The deal is set and good. The vampires are free. I wish only to have the rest of the skins."

"Oh. Okay." Danielle smiles and fans her face with her hand. "My! I didn't even know I knew all those bad words." She tells Bleathvore 1.

"It is, no doubt, the cause of the Ta'karta clan. Bores, liars, cheats and filthy mouthed also. You are not to be blamed."

"Of course, I'm not. I never am."

Spike and all the Bleathvores laugh.

"I'm getting so tired of not knowing what's going on!" Xander yells out. "I'm going to start shooting again."

"Shoot Angel, pet. Go on. It won't hurt him much, and if it makes you feel better? Do it."

Xander giggles and it makes him feel better. Less like shooting.

"Just give them the coats." Danielle tells the group.

Bleathvore 3 has already made off with the case of 'mind altering and tasty beverages.'

Cordelia strips off her coat, unwillingly really, carefully removing her weapons. Angel watches, wide-eyed, as she begins to store weapons in various and unlikely places on her body. Wesley does the same thing. Angel takes a close look at Xander and notes that he, too, has guns and knives shoved in his clothes.

Spike notes Angel's goggle-eyed look. "What? You don't think my Xander knows how to go to war? He can prepare the troops, mate. He's got all kinds of nasty secrets."

The coats are handed over without fanfare.

All Bleathvores bow.

Bleathvore 5 speaks: "We have had a good and entertaining time with the shiny-headed vampire. We would take him with us. Will you journey with us?"

"No. I must stay. They would surely die without my guidance."

Danielle translates and the others laugh. Spike gives Danielle a dirty look and she stops her translation. No need to die over it, she thinks to herself.

Bleathvore 5: "Most surely they would. We are saddened by your unwillingness to join our journey, but so what? We will get over it, yes? Yes. And you have won many treasures from us. And lost many treasures. This marks a good time. So be it. We will take the skins and beverages and leave you with what you have won and with your lives, also won. And because we like you so, we will leave you with our weapon, so that you may kill the dull one. As you see fit. We ask only that you wait until after the child is born. It may be a child of great worth. Worry not that its host is dull. The child may glow bright."

Spike smiled. "Yes." He nodded his head at Angel. "He may be dull as yesterday's cleaning water, but his children are usually bright as sunshine."

And the Bleathvores leave.

Without turning off the cage.

"God damn it! Come back here!" Spike snarls.

Cordelia walks around the cage. When she comes to a rug, she kicks it over. "What's this?" she asks, leaning down to pull out a cord attached to the cage.

The edge of the cage.

The very accessible edge of the cage.

She reaches a confident hand to the bars and grabs one. Nothing happens. No shock. No zap. She grins, wagging the cord in her hand. "You guys suck! Some vampires you are! I stepped on a rat for you guys! I shot vampires for you guys! I let that coat I wanted go for you guys!"

Spike and Angel both reach out and grab the cage bars. They duck and turn the cage over them. They are free. Just that easy. They look at each other. They look at Cordelia, twirling the cord around.

"That was not the cord." They both state.

But it didn't matter, really.

They were free of the cage.

Xander grabs hold of Spike and pulls him close, kissing him.

Spike pulls back with a grin. "Is that a gun in your pants, pet, or are you just happy to see me?"

Xander kept his body close to Spike's and held out his hand, still holding his newly beloved Glock. He grinned at Spike. "Here's my gun, Spike. I must just be happy to see you."

"Eww." Was Cordiela's contribution to the romantic moment.