It's An Adventure

by
Michelle

1 It's An Adventure

"You have no idea about this thing, Giles? Just its mission? No idea of its motives?"

"No. None, really. Just the basics."

"Basics, Watcher? And what would those be?"

Giles looked at Spike and repressed a sigh. The vampire, no matter how helpful he was, was beginning to wear on his nerves. "To kill the slayer."

Spike grinned. "Well, I think I like this demon! I think I like it a lot! We shouldn't be interfering with the natural order of things. Come what will. Slayers die what will."

Buffy sent a glare towards the other bleached blonde in the room. "Oh. So you no longer care for the blood the slayer lets you drink, eh, Spike? You aren't happy with the whole shelter thing that saves you from turning to ash from the sun the slayer provides for you, hum? The slayer can just let you die now? Just like the slayer has wanted to for what seems like for ever? Is that right, Fangless? Let's let nature have it's way."

"I'm getting' all that from the brain and the moron! I mean, from the good and kind hearted Xander, here." Spike thrust his head towards Xander. "And me turning to dust is not the natural order of things! Okay, maybe you dusting me is natural but yer lover boy and the rest? Lower animals on the food chain, sweet slayer, and what they did to me is an, well, its an abomination, it is. Not natural at all."

Xander didn't look up from his magazine. "I do it 'cause Buffy asked me too, Spike. I'm more than willing to let you go to dust come next sunrise, ashes to ashes, you know. Oh! Looky here! Those god-awful platform shoes are on the way out!" Xander dropped the COSMO he had been reading onto the coffee table. "Can't be too soon for me! I'm tired of all the women being taller than me!" He looked at Giles. "So what do I have to do, G-man?"

"You have to stop calling me that. And take Spike to LA and get an object from Angel that we need."

"What?!" The collective shout echoed around the room.

"Why can't I go? I'm-"

"Are you sure we should let Spike go to LA? -"

"Good plan. No need for Buffy to go to LA-"

"Is this th-the right idea-"

"Why the hell do I have to go?"

"I am not going to the pouf for anything let alone something that will save the life of the slayer! What have you been tippin' back along with yer tea, Watcher? And why haven't you shared it? I thought we were mates, now! You've been holdin' back on the good stuff."

"Spike needs to go because the object we need can only be held by the living dead. Xander, you go because you have the time to go. Buffy, you can't go because you aren't dead and well, because I wont let you go. Willow and Tara, you two are both alive and I need you two here to help me, anyway. Riley. Well, Riley, I'd send you but I think Spike would find some way to kill you despite the chip."

Giles looked at the group and smiled. "I hope that's all settled. Xander? Spike? Please be careful. I'm almost sure you'll be followed. Try to, ah, loose the tail if you can. Once you reach Angel you should be fine. He's expecting you and will have taken proper precautions. We'll handle them once you're safely on your way. Oh, and please do say hello to Cordelia for me. Give her my best." Giles clapped his hands. "Well, then. We're all set. Xander and Spike, you are to take my Honda. Crash it if you find that to be necessary. I find it most tiresome to drive." He looked at the group staring blankly back at him, with varying degrees of dismay. He didn't hold back his sigh. "Well! Off with you!"

"My turn!" Xander declared with glee. He turned off the radio and popped in a CD. The two had made a reasonable treaty. One hour of music each. Was it Xander's fault that Giles new Honda came with a CD player but no tape player and Spike had come loaded down with cassettes? Nope. Not his fault at all.

Spike clenched his teeth, prepared to listen to an hour of the BackDoor boys or some other such nonsense. He was pleasantly surprised when Scott Strapp's deep voice came blasting out through the speakers. "Ah. I like this. Creed. Do'ya have the new one?"

"Yes." Xander told him, a bit peeved at not having pissed the vampire off. He'd been sure the preachy sounds of Creed would annoy the vampire. Damn.

"Really?" Spike looked pleased, grieving Xander more. "What else 'ave you got with you?"

"I brought all new bands!" Xander told him. He had hoped that Spike would only want to listen to old music, and not care for anything modern.

"New bands. Fine. Who?"

"Um." Xander fumbled his CD wallet open, reading the names. "Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20, Stained, some other stuff." Yes. All new one hit cd bands brought along to audibly torture his companion.

Spike glanced in the rearview mirror and asked, "What other stuff?"

"Oh, um, Nine Inch Nails, Bush, Limp Bizkit, stuff like that. Korn." Well, yes, he wasn't about to spend hours in a car with Spike without some enjoyable tunes.

Spike switched lanes, keeping his eyes at the rearview mirror. "Bush! I like Bush! And Korn! Well who doesn't like Korn? Play that next would you? Even matchbox 20 is okay for a pop band. Better'n the Spice Girls." Spike chuckled.

Spike being amused without having made some kind of cutting remark sort of creeped Xander a bit.

Xander slumped down in his seat. He knew he should have brought some of his mother's Broadway show sound tracks. But no. He couldn't have tolerated them, even if they did piss off Spike. He'd have brought some of this beloved country music but the thought that Spike might hurt them was a horror he just couldn't overcome.

Spike swerved into the right lane abruptly, causing Xander to shift in his seat. "Slow down, deadboy, jr.!"

Spike said nothing, but cut across two lanes of traffic without signaling. He kept his eyes on the rearview mirror most of the time. "I think the watcher was right about the tail."

Xander craned his neck, turning in his seat to look back. "Really? You think so?"

"Yes I think so. I also think that all the good James Bond movies, that I'm positive you've watched, gave a clue about not turning and waving a bloody hello to the tail!"

Xander turned back to the front and smiled. "You're right. I did pick that up from TV. What are you going to do?" Xander asked as Spike cut across to the left lanes without signaling. "Besides kill us?"

Xander felt his heart speed up as Spike turned the car towards the familiar DO NOT ENTER signs. "Spike! You can't! It's an exit!"

Spike grinned and gunned the engine, picking up speed. "Yeah, but its night. Shouldn't be much traffic."

Xander clutched at his seat and checked that his seatbelt was secure. "It's California! There's all ways traffic."

Spike swerved the car, ignoring the blaring horn of the car that had been speeding towards them. "Yes. Why is that? Can't you bloody Californian's stay home?" Spike weaved his way between three more cars, horns blaring, and quickly turned the little Honda into highway traffic. "See? Now we're all set! Just a couple of blokes driving the night away."

Xander's heart still felt as if it was trying to push it's way out through his stomach and throat. "You could have killed us!"

Spike spared Xander a glance. "Nah, pet. I could have killed you. I would have walked away just fine, maybe a little sore."

"Oh, sure! Now all we have to deal with is all the calls 911 reporting us!"

"Huh?"

"I'm sure each and every car we passed has a phone with them. They've all called 911 and the highway patrol on us!"

"Oh, right." Spike grinned at Xander and pulled the car to the shoulder. He got out and Xander watched him as he bent over the front of the car and then the back of the car. Spike seated himself back into the driver's seat and tossed a bundle into Xander's lap.

"What's this?" Xander asked.

"Our old license plate numbers. Let's be truthful, here Xander. I made a damn cool move. We don't have a tail any longer; the cops aren't looking for us, and best of all? It was damn well fun! Fun is good, Xander, or didn't the Slayer and Watcher let you learn that?"

Spike shot out into the moving traffic, not giving any signal or warning. The car behind them blared its displeasure. Spike gave them a two fingered salute. "Fuck you too, mate!" Spike reached over and turned up Creed so that the band was blaring out of all five speakers at a deafening level.

Xander turned down the volume. Just a bit. He looked at Spike, grinning his way through traffic. "I have never liked you, Spike. Never."

Spike spared Xander a grin, before cutting across three lanes of fast moving traffic. "Ah, that hurts me deeply, Xander. Cause I have always, deep down in my dead heart, cared for you. Really I have." Spike chuckled and reached down, turning the music up even louder. "Ah, come on, Xander, sweety! This is an adventure! Adventures are good! Really they are!"

2 That's Why They Have Those Numbers

Spike slammed his fist against the horn. "Just what makes these blokes think they own the road?" He sped up, passed the semi, and moved in front of it, slowing down.

Xander worked his imaginary break and gas pedals. "I think it's the fact that they weigh several tons and can crush us like bugs!"

Spike snickered. "Xander! I expect better from you. You should know size doesn't matter, pet!" He patted the boy's thigh before punching in the cigarette lighter. "Wheres'me smokes?"

Xander had turned around, wanting to see the semi as it ran over them. Morbid, yes, but he couldn't help himself. He quickly turned back to face Spike when the vampire started to grope his crotch. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for my smokes! I asked you where they are!"

"The are not in my pants!"

"Good thing, that. Thought maybe they were in your seat, though, luv." Spike quickly switched lanes again, buying himself time to look. "Hold us steady." Spike let go of the steering wheel and ducked down. Xander's heart stopped again but he grabbed the wheel.

Spike came up with a grin and a crushed pack of cigarettes.

Xander didn't speak. He couldn't. He was choking on his heart again. The damn thing kept either stopping or getting lodged in his throat. At least they were no longer in front of the pissed off trucker.

Spike rolled down his window and flicked his lit butt out. Xander followed the glowing tip, watching as it arched, got caught in the wind and was swept into the driver's side window of the car behind them. He watched, enthralled, as the driver began to frantically beat at his head. The driver, his head now smoking, began to swerve. Horns blared as the driver crossed over into the next lane. The driver, his hair now on fire, over corrected and was hit by a fast moving SUV as he careened into its lane. The smaller car, its driver furiously beating at his flaming head, was sent spinning and crashing into the sidewall. Xander let out the breath he'd been unaware of holding, when the hair-on-fire driver stepped out, looking, well, if not too happy, at least alive. He smiled when the man finally put out his hair.

Spike glanced in the rear view mirror, muttering about the crazy drivers. "Gimme the phone, Xander."

"Huh? Did you just see-"

"The phone, pet! Give me the bleedin' phone!"

"Oh! Right! Good idea!" Xander fumbled around until he came up with the cell phone they had with them, handing it to Spike. Of course they should call and report the accident. He didn't think of. It had all happened so fast!

"Like a bloody lunatic! That's how he's driving! What do you mean, where am I? I'm on the bloody highway about to be killed by one of yer soddin' great lorrys! Hold, on, yeah." Spike sped up, weaving in and out of traffic until he was on the ass of the semi again. "All right, then, the license plate number is. . ."

Spike rang off with an evil snicker. "Here, pet." He held the phone out to Xander. When Xander made no move to take it, Spike looked his way. "Xander! What are you doing? Are you hyperventilating? For chrissake, boy! What's wrong with you? Do you mean to suck every bit o' fun out of this trip? It's only right that I reported that driver! That's why they have the bloody HOW AM I DRIVING numbers! I should've brought the Slayer with me! Bigger knackers than you, that one is sure to have. Here! Have some fresh air!"

Spike rolled down the windows and cranked up the music.

"You! You!" Xander began, gasping.

"Me? Me? What?"

"You!"

"Yes me! Very good. Me Spike. You Xan-der. Can you say that with me? Xan-der."

"You set a man on fire! You caused a wreck! You're trying to kill me!"

"What are you blathering on about?"

"You. Set. A. Driver. On. Fire!"

"What? Where? When?"

"On fire! Back there! You set him on fire!"

"Now, just how did I do that?"

"With your cigarette! You threw a lit cigarette out the window and it landed in someone's car! They wrecked!"

"Really? And I missed it? Why didn't you tell me! You are trying to suck all the fun out of this trip!"

Xander made a strangling noise. Spike reached into his coat and came out with a silver flask. An unusually large one. He held it out to Xander with a grin. "Here, Xander sweety. Have a nip. You've lost all your color."

Xander took a gulp, coughing. He took a few more, gasping. "I don't like you, Spike."

Spike chuckled and patted his thigh. "Why don't you sleep the rest of way, hum, pet? Won't be long now an' we'll be at the Pouf's, grab the goods, rest up, and be back on our way, home to good ole' Sunnydale, yeah?"

"I'm driving back, Spike."

"Um, yes. That's going to happen."

"I am driv-"

"Sleep!"

Surprisingly, Xander did. Or maybe he just passed out from all the Scotch he'd downed.

3 And All In One Piece

Spike maneuvered the car into the slow lane, dropping his speed to 80 mph and steering with his knees. His hands were busy searching for the cell phone he had dropped earlier; at least one was, the other was holding the map across the steering wheel, and most of the front window, obscuring his view. He was loath to wake Xander. The boy could try the nerves of a Saint, and Spike was no Saint. His hand latched onto the phone and he pulled it from beneath Xander's ass with a triumphant grin. He batted the open map down in time to see the car ahead of him practically stopped. He slammed on the brakes, his arm going out to hold Xander in place. Hell! Couldn't anyone drive anymore? Was he the only one deserving of an automobile? They should all go back to horse and buggy.

"Non drivin' lunatics!" He hit the horn. "Drive! We're on the bloody highway!"

He punched in the numbers, one handed, and put the phone to his ear, cradling it with his shoulder. His hand went to punch in the cigarette lighter and fish out another smoke. When he heard the greeting he replied in a sibilant voice, "Have you checked the children?"

"Peaches! How'd ya know it was me?" Spike snickered into the phone, lighting up. "What? That movie is a classic. He's calling from the house! I loved it! So where ya at? Um. Yes. I know it. Don't suppose I've time to cruise through Beverly Hills, eh? Yeah. The sun. Oh, very funny. If I go poof while driving, little Xander might be a bit upset. What? He's sleeping. No! Terrible passenger! He's fine. I'm looking at him right now! No, I do not have his head in my lap and his body in the trunk! Although, that does-Oh! What? I'm a brilliant driver! Never had an accident! Ha! Say, I know this area! Isn't this where I had you tor-um, so? Got a good price, did you, then? Peaches? You there? Angel? Um. Yes, well. Won't be long now. Must ring off. Not safe to drive and talk you know." Spike hit 'end' and tossed the phone into the back seat. He crumpled the map up and tossed it over his shoulder as well. Time to watch for his exit.

"Xany." Xander ignored the sing song voice. "Xaaannderrrr."

"Um. No. Don' wanna wake up."

"Come on, Xany. Wakey, wakey."

"Umm, It's a teacher conference day, no school."

"Xander."

"I'm on the late shift."

"Xander!"

"I've been fired. Don' have to get up."

"Xander!"

Xander's head lifted with a jolt. "What? Shit! What?" He looked over at a grinning Spike. He'd never seen the vampire grin so much, and damn if it wasn't starting to give him the permanent creeps. He blinked his tired eyes, and yawned. "Oh. Right. So. Are we there yet?" He looked out the window at the unfamiliar and dark streets.

"Just about, pet. And all in one piece, too. Reach back there and hand me the phone, will you, luv?"

"I don't wanna take off my seatbelt."

"Oh fer chrissake! Look about! Not a car in sight! Get me the phone!"

Xander checked the streets for cars and pedestrians and stray animals and potholes. Thoroughly. He undid his seatbelt, reached over, snagged the phone and buckled himself back in with lightning quick moves. He held the phone out to Spike. "Here."

"Xander! I don't believe I've ever seen you move so quickly!"

"Yeah, well, my life was in danger."

"I've seen you in mortal danger, pet; I've placed you in mortal danger, and still, I've never seen those moves." Spike chuckled, taking the phone and hitting redial.

"Can you feel me? I'm close." Spike whispered into the phone. "I feel you. You're so close."

"Do we really have time for the phone sex thing?" Xander asked.

Spike turned the corner and the car headlights picked up Angel, standing outside a darkened building, phone to his ear.

"Oooo, I see you. All sexy-like, in your leather. You know I like leather, don't ya baby?" Spike pointed at Angel and turned to Xander. "Look, up ahead, in the distance, in the black, it's BATVAMP!" He went back to talking into the phone. "You know what I'm wearing, sugar? Hum? What do you want me to wear?"

Angel closed the phone and put it in his pocket.

Spike pulled up beside him, still talking into the phone. "Sugar? Baby? I think my batphone died!" Spike parked and Xander jumped out of the car, running to greet Angel.

"Deadboy! Good to see you!" Xander wrapped his arms around Angel and gave the surprised vampire a hug. "Angel!" He yelled out. He placed his mouth close Angel's ear and whispered. "Don't make me get back into the car with him, please don't! I'll do anything! Just don't make me get back in the car!"

"Xander, uh, hi." Angel put his arms around the boy, patting his back awkwardly.

Wesley stepped out of the building and Xander pushed away from Angel, going to the ex-watcher. "Wesley! Wes, my man! How've you been? How's things?" Xander gave Wesley a hug also, startling the man into a stumble. "Wes, what say? Can I borrow plane fare home from you? Pay you back, swear." Xander whispered into his ear.

"Xander! You slut! Quit throwing yerself at the hired help! I'll get jealous!" Spike said, coming from the car. He walked up to Angel and held out his arms. "Give us a hug, then, Daddy."

4

"Oh, come on! Don't be shy!" Spike stepped close and wrapped his arms around his Sire. He lifted him up and planted a smacking kiss on Angel's cheek, before dropping the older vampire back on his feet. "Gosh, but I've missed you Angel!" He kept has hands on Angel's shoulders and stepped back. "You've grown so, sweets! So, um, broody and wide!" He slapped Angel's shoulders. "Oh, but wait. You've been broody and wide for awhile, now, haven't you? Not that that's not working for you-the whole broody, wide thing, I mean-looks good on you, too!" Spike winked at his stone-faced-closed-mouth Sire. "Well, then. It's the hair, right? Much more spiky than usual, isn't it? Is that for me, then, pet? Cause you know I love spikes, don't ya, pop?" Spike again winked at a speechless Angel, reaching a hand up to pat Angel on his heavily gelled hair.

Angel batted Spike's hand away, stepping back from Spike with a frown. "Spike. Glad to see you made it."

Spike placed a hand to his forehead and the other over his heart. He bent his knees, pretending to swoon. "Angel! Stop! You'll slay me with such talk!" He simpered, his voice a high falsetto. He glanced over at Wesley and Xander.

"Hey! You! Defunct-watcher! Get your hands off my Xander! What's with you?" Spike demanded.

"Oh!" Wesley pulled away from Xander, stumbling again. "I- I'm sorry! Didn't mean to offend."

Angel cocked his head at him "Your Xander?"

Xander glared at him. "Your Xander?"

"Yes! What? Have you all gone deaf? My Xander!" Spike stepped away from Angel and went to Xander, engulfing the young man in a hug.

Pulling away, Spike reached over and pinched the flustered man's cheek. "I feel all responsible like towards him. Protective, even. I plan to keep him safe, I do." He wrapped an arm around Xander's shoulders and grinned at Angel.

"Sun's coming up boss, are they here yet? Xander! And Spike! Spike and Xander wrapped in each other's arms. Oh. What's up with that? No one told me that was something I'd have to see! A little *warning* would be nice, people!"

Xander pulled away from Spike. "Cordy! Good to see you!" Xander began.

Spike all but shoved a still flustered Xander from his arms, as he dashed to Cordelia, wrapping her in his arms. "Cordelia! Pet! You look fabulous! Ab-so-lut-ly fabulous! Well, yes, you do look a bit thin. Don't waste away on me, pet!"

"Oh! Um, Spike! Hello!" She pulled back to look at him. "You can't bite now, right?" She looked to Angel. "He can't bite now, can he?"

"No, pet. More's the pity. I'd just love to sink my, um, fangs into you, sweetling."

"Oh! Well!" Cordy gave the blonde vampire a not-too-close hug, smiling. "Do you really think I'm too thin?" She grinned, greatly pleased with that concept.

"Less of you is less for me, pet. But as always, a special treat for the eyes."

Cordy giggled. "And Xander! Xander. How've you been?" Cordy held out her hand. Miffed, for reasons he didn't want to think about, Xander grabbed her up into a bear hug, burying his face into her neck. "Oh!" Cordy yelped, wiggling her feet and giggling. "Xander! Cut it out. Put me down!"

"Yes, Xander, do put her down." Spike told him.

"Well. Hugs all around. Hellos said. Sun's coming up. I suggest we get inside." Angel intoned.

Spike snatched Xander's hand, pulling him close. "Lead the way, Sire."

Angel walked into the building, followed by Wesley and Cordelia. Spike stopped Xander when he made his way to follow. "You know, pet, Angel has always fancied you. He might just be thinking now's his chance to have a go at you."

Xander laughed. "What? Are you nuts, Spike? What the hell are you thinking about? Angel has always been in love with Buffy. Even you know that!"

Spike snorted, waving away that argument with a dismissive arch of his hand. "I didn't say he was in love with you, did I? I just said he's always fancied you. There is a difference, pet. Him lovin' the slayer wouldn't stop him from wantin' to shag you! He is a vampire, you know, soul or no. He wants you, pet. I can tell these things."

"No." Xander gulped. "You-you're wrong! Angel doesn't want me. You are nuts and not just when it comes to driving."

Spike sighed, dropping his head and shaking it. Actually he was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. When he was sure his grin wouldn't break through, he lifted up his head to look into Xander's eyes. His face and tone were grave when he continued. "Yes, pet. He wants you. Always has. Hell, the plans he had for you back when he was Angelus! Lets just say his ideas were not suitable for younger audiences."

Xander gulped.

Spike bit his lip.

"Really? You're not just messing with me?"

"Pet! Why would I do that? What would I have to gain?" He patted Xander's shoulder. "Tell you what. I'll help you out, just to keep myself in shelter and blood and all that, you know, you can put in a good word with Giles and the Slayer, let them know I helped you out in your time of need. We'll just pretend to be a couple. You'll be safe, then. Angel is much too souled and goody goody to poach on another man's, uh, man."

It was Xander's turn to snort. "Oh right! After the whole 'O, Cordy, you're almost too thin for me to fuck!' routine, I doubt he'd believe we are a couple!"

Spike snickered. "Don't be jealous, pet!"

"I am not-"

Spike cut him off. "Angel knows I'm an incurable flirt. It's all part of my irresistible charm."

"You are not irresistible, Spike."

"Humph! Am too! I've yet to be resisted."

"No. Really, you are-" Xander was cut off by a heavy hand upon his shoulder. He turned to look into the concerned eyes of Angel.

"Xander? Are you okay? Is Spike bothering you? Come inside with me now." Angel slid his hand down Xander's shoulder to grab his upper arm and draw him inside. He didn't notice how Xander stiffened.

What was this? Did Angel's hand linger? His thumb was rubbing his arm! Maybe Spike was right. Xander's brain worked out the horrid possibilities of Angel wanting him.

"What? No! Spike and I were just talking. He was-"

"Oh, go on and tell him, pet! Xander was a bit upset with me flirting with the beauty queen. So jealous, this one!" Spike said, following the pair into the building.

Angel's hand tightened on Xander's arm, causing the boy to panic and pull away. He grinned at Angel, nervously. "Yeah! I was. Jealous, I mean. But it's nothing!" He wrapped his arm around Spike. "I know my little Spikey-poo only has eyes for me."

Angel gaped and Spike sputtered.

Angel stopped walking, turning to face Xander. "Xander? Are you and Spike, uh, um-"

"Yep! We're a couple. Lovers. My little Xany-poo is quite possessive, he is."

Soul-full brown eyes looked upon Xander. "Xander?" Angel questioned.

Christ! Were they disappointed? Those eyes were disappointed! Jealous? Envious, maybe? Oh, god. Spike was right! Xander's brain was working overtime.

"Do the others know about this? I can't imagine them being-"

"No!" Xander yelped.

"No!" Spike shouted. "Not yet anyway. And don't you be thinking you need to run off and tattle to them, Sire. I've enough to deal with, what with my little Xany-poo, here, being shy. He's not ready for his little friends to know about us, are you Xany?"

Xander kept a watchful eye on Angel. "Nope. Not yet. But soon." Xander leaned back against Spike. He was leaning away from Angel, really, but with Spike behind him, grinning and wrapping an arm around Xander's waist, giving his Sire a silent snicker, it looked like a lover's snuggle.

Angel shook his head again. "No. I won't be telling anyone. Come on."

Xander let the dark haired vampire walk a few steps ahead of them before following. He turned his head to give Spike a wide-eyed look.

"I told you, pet." Spike whispered. He gave a face splitting grin when Xander turned away and followed Angel. He even skipped a bit. Oh yes, Spike was going to have fun this trip!

The two followed Angel until they were in the large main room, where Cordelia and Wesley awaited them.

"So then." Spike began. "Where's our, uh, thing?

"What?" Wesley, Cordelia and Angel asked.

"The thing! Where's it at? We're supposed to pick up the slayer-saving thing and go home! So, come on, give it!"

Angel cracked a smile. An evil one. "It's not here, Spike. We have to go get it."

"Well, fine. Go get it. What? You have it squirreled away in your mattress with your cash, pet?"

Again with the evil-Angel smile. Not a pretty sight, that. "No, pet, it's in the middle of a nest of Bleathvore demons. You and I have to go and get it." Angel crossed his arms over his chest and smiled at Spike. The evil smile.

"What? Call my Watcher, this instant! He didn't say anything about any Bleathvore demons!"

"Your Watcher, Spike?" Angel asked with deadly calm. Spike suspected he wanted to laugh.

"What's a Bleathvore demon?" Xander asked, taking a seat.

"Nasty things, pet! Slimey! Long reaching tentacles! Stinging tentacles! Stinging, blood sucking, tentacles. Most godawful shade of green you've ever seen! Smelly as hell, too! I am not messing around with any Bleathvore demons to save a bleeding slayer!"

Xander looked over at Angel. "Do I have to help go get this thing?"

Angel gave Xander a small smile.

Just what the hell kind of smile was that, anyway? Melting? Indulgent? Melting. It was melting! Xander's brain worked out.

"No, Xander. It's too dangerous for you. I want you to stay here, where it's safe."

Ack! Concern. Way too much concern!

"I'll just take Spike with me. We'll be fine, I'm sure." The evil-Angel smile for Spike.

"Um. This will be tough? Scary, maybe? Deadly possibly?" Xander asked. Xander had stopped thinking about Angel's lust for him as he began remembering his car trip. Car trip with Spike behind the wheel. Spike behind the wheel trying to kill him.

Angel chuckled. "A little scary, sure. Deadly? Well, I hope not."

Xander smiled at Spike. "Well, then. Sound's like an adventure for you Spikey-poo. You go enjoy yourself. Slay lots of demons. Have fun. I'll miss you. Bye, now." Xander sat back on the sofa, placing his feet on the coffee table.

"Spikey-poo?" Cordelia asked.

"Yep. My little Spikey-poo. We're an item. He's going off to slay the demons while I stay here and watch TV with you and Wes. It'll be an adventure for him. He likes those. What's on anyway? Got a TV Guide? Got any pop corn?"

Part Five

Cordelia moaned and clutched at her head. Angel and Wesley rushed to her side, leading her to a chair in the nearly empty room.

"Is it a vision?" Wesley asked, worried.

"Yes! I just got a visual of Xander and Spike together! I don't feel well! Ack! I need a happy place to go to!"

"Oh. Yes, well, how about the beach? On a lovely warm day? Humm?" Wesley offered.

Cordelia removed her hands from her face long enough to mutter, "Oh, nice. Naked Xander and Spike doing nasty things to each other and me with skin cancer."

Xander glanced over at her. "How about the mall?" He offered.

Cordelia continued to clutch her head. "Better! The mall, yes!"

"The shoe store!" Angel threw out.

"30 to 70 percent off the entire stock!" Xander chimed in again, getting into the game.

"Oo. Yes. Nice. Getting better."

"You in nothing but stiletto heels, between me an' Xan, and we're all naked," Was Spike's offering.

"Aaagh!!!! Bad! Bad!"

Angel slapped Spike across the back of his head. "What? Now that's a happy place!"

"Just go back to the shoe sale, Cordy." Angel told her, rubbing her shoulders.

"Ah, Angel?" Xander was looking away from the distressed Cordelia and towards the wall in front of him. And then to all the walls around him. The empty walls. He was comfy, happily seated on the sofa, already ignoring Cordelia, but where the TV should be was. . .nothing! "Where's the TV? Watching TV is a happy place."

Cordelia lifted her head and removed her hands from her eyes, to glare at Xander. "Okay! It's my happy place! You go find your mental mall!" Xander told her.

Angel settled Cordelia and came to kneel before Xander, placing a hand upon his knee. "There's no TV, Xander. We lost everything in the explosion. We're, well, starting over. A TV wasn't really on the top of my list of things to rush out and replace."

Xander pulled his knee from beneath Angel's and and scooted over a bit. "So what you're saying is, there's no TV. Is that right?"

Angel smiled. "Um, yes. Sorry."

"Oh! Well great! I don't suppose you have any popcorn either?"

"Um, no. We have popcorn. Cordelia likes it."

"Yeah. I have a case in the kitchen, next to the microwave." Cordeila told them, seemingly having found her happy place.

"You bought a microwave before you bought a TV? What's wrong with you people?" Xander demanded, truly astonished. "Fine. I'll go slay demons with you and Spike!"

"Xany? Babe?" Spike simpered.

"What, Spikey-poo?" Xander gritted.

"The sun's up! And I'm tired! Had a long drive. Need rest. The effin' Bleathvores will just have to wait. Peaches? Got a room for me and my Xany-poo?"

"Well, no, I don't."

Spike looked around and threw his arms out wide. "There is no room in this entire bleeding city block big ass warehouse you have here? Not a one, peaches?"

"Couch is fine!" Xander began, "If fact, wh-"

"Not one room?" Spike demanded, cutting Xander off.

"Plenty of rooms, Spike. Just no furniture in the rooms." Cordeila told the irate vampire.

"Don't need furniture; just a room!"

"I thought maybe we could get some research started. I know where the Bleathvores might be, but I'm not certain. Plus, I think we need some more information on them before we confront them. Cordy, why don't you check the Internet."

"Oh, and of *course* you have a computer all set up, eh? Shall we surf on over to bleathvore dot com? Visit their website? Check out the links on how to kill and steal from them? They are scavengers and pack rats. Maybe they have their stock listed on the website, eh? Is that the plan?"

"You got a computer before you got a TV?" Xander asked.

Angel rolled his eyes and gave Spike his evil smile. He ignored Xander. "Spike, there is a lot of useful information on the Internet."

"Yeah. Weirdoes, perverts, and creeps. I'm sure they post lots of useful information on their Bleathvore sites. Where's the phone? I'll ring my-the bleedin' Watcher! Giles will have the information we need! He has books!"

"Good idea, Spike. Why don't I run out and get you a TV, Angel? You got room for a 50 incher in here, at the very least. Cordy? What say we hit the mall, help your boss out while they do the research thing? If not the mall, I'm sure LA has lots of 24 hour stores where we can pick up a nice set."

Angel looked at Xander with pained eyes. "I'm not sure I want something that big, Xander."

"Ah, come on! The bigger the better!" He blushed. "Um, I mean, when it comes to TV's! Big is good. For a television."

"Well, I guess you and Cordy could-"

"Get me the bleedin' phone! Why can't I get a phone when I want one! I left my batphone in the car!"

"Come with me, grumpy." Cordelia led Spike into what he presumed to be the kitchen. It had a sink, a fridge, and a microwave. And maybe that thing in the wall was an oven. Could be. Oh, and a case of microwave pop corn on the counter. Yep. Kitchen.

He snatched up the phone hanging on the wall and dialed Giles' number.

"Sneaky fuck, you! You didn't say there would be Bleathvores! Oh, yes, I guess you did forget that part! We made it fine. Sorry, maybe I'll crash on the way home. No. Not a scratch! Shut yer gob about that! Gimmie everything you know on the bleedin' Bleathvores! Peaches wants some more info on the slimy devils. Well, sure. Ocean. Yeah. Collectors. I know that! Stinging, watcher! They have stinging blood sucking tentacles, ya daft fool! No! I'm calling just to hear yer pretty voice! Yes! I want your help! Hey! You want my help! The bloody Slayer can get all gobbled up for all I care! No need for threats! I'm here aren't I? Ready to lend my dead hands! Uh, huh? Yeah. Really? Really? Well, I've never heard that one before! Um, yes. Uh huh. Interesting. Yeah. Hold on." Spike placed his hand over the mouthpiece and called out for Cordelia.

"What?"

"Got a pad and pen?"

"Sure, wait a sec." Cordy came back with the requested items.

"Watcher? Repeat all that, slowly, sos the beauty queen can take it all down." Spike handed her the phone. "Here ya go, luv. He's lots of good stuff for you. Be a pet and write it down, won't you? I need to get back to my Xander."

Cordy glared at Spike's retreating back. "Giles? Yes. Hold on! Wait, how do you spell that?"